Final Numbers

Well, its almost over. Tomorrow will be seven weeks since I arrived in Tucson. Only 4 days til I am home, if you wondered. Since I gave you the ugly details when I started, I thought it only fair to give you a report on the final numbers.

• 44 - Days in the gym
• 14 - Workouts with a trainer
• 5 - Times I did after saying I couldn't (I dont think Matt knows the words I Can't)
• 30 - Workouts pushing myself
• 50 - Water Aerobics classes
• 14 - Kickboxing classes
• 180 - Sit-ups at a "sitting"
• ?? - Miles walked (maybe just under a million)
• 0 - Days I went over my calories
• 2 - Planned cheats (within calorie limits)
• 3 - Restaurants eaten in
• 1 - Zumba class
• 2- Step classes

Oh, and I lost:

• fear
• inhibition
• addiction to food
• fear of failure
• lack of discipline
• and yes, pounds and inches

My journey is far from over and many of you will walk it with me daily. I know that 30 years of old habits and past failures will try to creep in from time to time. I am trusting God that the foundation has been laid for a new way of living. I have found the blog to be a great way for me to communicate what God and I have been up to. I will probably continue to blog as I walk down the long road ahead. As I look back over old blogs, it has become a testimony of where God has brought me.

I want to thank everyone who has followed and supported me through this "kick-off" phase of my journey. I could not have done it some days without your thoughts and prayers.

There is a quote on the gym wall: "Never let weakness tell you that you lack strength."

I think I will end with that.

Old Friend

OK, so the countdown is on and has been for a week or so, when I boldly declared "I'm done and ready to go home." I think the next three words are more obvious to most of you than me...Famous Last Words.
This has been a most idyllic situation from the beginning; control over everything that happens in my day from eating to exercise. No one to shop for, cook for and care for but myself. Now, I know you know that it hasnt been without its issues, but for the most part, it has been fairly straightforward to follow the plan.
Enter the reveal outfit. You know, the one they see you in the first time they lay eyes on the new you. Sassy and classy and making you shine. So, I spent all afternoon Sunday and part of the day on Monday looking for just the right outfit. After about 20 stores, at least double that in outfits, and finding out that I may have to wear the same size back home that I started with, you can be sure I had a visit from an old friend.
Emotional Eating and I go way back. We have been tight since middle school. Its been for the best really that we have been separated these last weeks. She had become a bit too overbearing. She called on Sunday and wanted to renew our relationship. I have to be honest and say I considered it. I mean, at least we were comfortable together and if my new friend Fitness isnt being a faithful friend, well...
Have you ever prayed that prayer, you know the one where you say to God, "Teach me, show me, grow me"? How many of you can honestly say He hasn't? A couple of weeks ago when things were rockin along and I knew I was coming to the end, I prayed that prayer and asked Him to work out anything else that needed to be dealt with. BAM! Right between the eyes! Just when I thought it was gonna be smooth sailing.
It has been a hard couple of days. Days of once again second guessing my methods and wrestling with the old me, days of anger and frustration. The whole thing made me so mad that I didnt even complain to Matt about the killer workout he gave me. I just did it harder and left my anger in the gym.
What? What was that about leaving it in the gym? YES! I realized when I left the gym yesterday that even though I was angry and frustrated about the situation that I had gotten through Sunday, Monday and Tuesday morning without eating anything I shouldnt have. The amazing thing is that the anger only made me want to work harder to overcome the situation. I decided then and there that I had to break up with Emotional Eating. I'm sure in the future she will try to get back together, but my new friend Fitness and I will be busy.
Oh, and even if I have to come home in the same outfit, the woman inside it will be different.

Weekly Weigh-In

For those of you holding your breath about my weigh-in this week, you can let it out.
Matt has asked me not to weigh until Thursday, our last session when he weighs and measures me. He wants me to be encouraged by a big number before I go home.
I have to be honest and say that I did cheat and stepped on the scale at my folks house this weekend. The temptation was too great! Without revealing too much, I can assure you it was less than the last time I was on the scale last Monday.
Now I have to confess to Matt...

Road Trip!

Amazing! If you have never been to the Grand Canyon, it is breathtaking. I have now been twice and both times, it made me cry to think that MY God made this! I am a little teary now thinking about it.
My brother Dale, who has lived in Arizona for 21 years now, had never been. So...road trip! We decided to go up on Friday early so we could be there in the afternoon. It was kind of spur of the moment and very fun.
I am proud to say that I maintained my new lifestyle by doing the following:
1. I got up at 4:45 so that I could get in my workout BEFORE we left at 8:15.
2. I packed all my own food in a cooler and put it in the back seat. In my family, the word road trip is synonymous with snacks - wheat thins, twizlers, chips... It was a bit strange to just sit in the car and not be munching. The closest I came to cheating was a walk down desire lane as we discussed the merits of every candy bar known to man.
3. Didn't just get out, look at the canyon and jump back in the car to drive to another spot, but walked the trail along the rim to other lookout spots.
4. Stayed with some friends of Dales in Prescott, AZ, went to Chili's for dinner (only the second time I have eaten out in 6 weeks) and special ordered my dinner so that it was within my eating limits. Didn't eat any of the bottomless chips and salsa.
Overall, it was a great time together and another step in the right direction for me in terms of old habits. I am sure there will be other things that come up in time that I will have to conquer, but each time I do, I feel like I am that much closer to the life I want to live.

FINALLY!

Finally a good weight loss week! Woo Hoo! (Insert Happy Dance here!)

Jesus,

You are my forever love
You are my forever love
You are my forever love
You are my forever love

From the bottom of my heart I’ll sing to You
From the depths of who I am I love You
With everything inside I’ll run to You
‘Cause all that I’ve become I owe to You

From the bottom of my heart I’ll sing to You
From the depths of who I am I love You
With everything inside I’ll run to You
‘Cause all that I’ve become I owe to You

You are my forever love
You are my forever love
You are my forever love
You are my forever love

Crash!

I had another blood pressure crash yesterday. Shoot!
I had a great day planned too. I wanted to do a repeat of Tuesday, which was the highest number of calories I had burned in one day since I had been here. On Tuesday, I walked to the gym (1.6 miles), had a half hour with Matt, did a half hour more of other stuff he wanted me to do, did an hour swim aerobics class, and walked back home (1.6 miles). Took a break and did a sampler class at the gym in the evening (kickbox cardio, step aerobics and Zumba). My bodybug said that I burned over 4,000 calories, not including the swim which is usually around 400.
By the way, did I mention that the gym is 1.6 miles one way? When I first was here, one day I walked to a Walgreens exactly 1.6 miles away to get a redbox movie. It took me a good 45-50 minutes. I was able to walk to the gym in just about 30 minutes. So, although the scale doesnt show much progress, I was able to shave off about 15 minutes!
So, on Thursday, I woke up and realized that I had forgotten to take my blood pressure med the night before. Since this has happened a couple of other times, I took it with breakfast. It hasnt been a problem before, but I guess I hadnt done the same level of workout those days. So, I walked to the gym. When I got there, I felt a little more worn out than the other day, although with monsoons coming, the humidity has started to rise. So, I was of course sweating pretty good. I felt a bit sick to my stomach, but thought it was breakfast. Started to work out with Matt and couldnt hardly do the stuff! Within two exercises, I thought I was going to pass out. All the blood drained from my head and I felt terrible! I had to stop and get some powerade to try to get my pressure back up. Uuuugh! I hate when that happens. A perfectly good workout gone to waste. Not only that, but when it crashes like that, I am zapped and all I can do is rest. I got it to stableize a bit and decided to do the last half hour of my water class (low impact). My mom had to come pick me up at the gym and take me home. I rested a bit and felt better by evening. I did go to my swim class in the evening and felt pretty good. But, by 9:30 I was good and ready for bed. I DID remember to take my med last night, so I was back on track today.
The good news to report is that before I crashed, I was able to do 25 jumping jacks! I havent been able to do them for a long time. I have a lot of weight to just force into the air! But, I did them because Matt made me. He keeps pushing me and making me do things I think I cant! Who does he think he is anyway! :)

No More Hiding

I realized last night that I have been hiding. I have let my weight keep me from view, so to speak. It can be a bit intimidating to do some of the stuff I have done over the last month, to the point that I have experienced a bit of anxiety. Butterflies, nervousness, nausea.
I should have, but didn't connect that there would be no kickboxing class list night because of the weekend holiday. I drove all the way out to the college and found an empty parking lot. Since I had my gloves, I forced myself to go to the gym with the intention of using one of the classrooms that has boxing bags to do my own version of the class. When I arrived at the gym, I found that a class was going to start shortly. A bit frustrated, I decided to do the rowing machine and time it in the three-minute intervals that we experience in the class. At least I would be getting my heart rate up.
When the class started, I saw that it was kickbox cardio. Oh no. Butterflies, nervousness, nausea. Just start rowing, I told myself. Its not your class and you would be out of your league. Look over the shoulder. Row some more. Look over the shoulder. Butterflies. Could I do it? Surely I couldn't do an hour of cardio at the intensity I saw through the GLASS wall. Row some more. Nervousness, nausea, sweat (because of the rowing). Who wants to see (through the GLASS wall) a 300-pound woman trying to keep up? Like Esther, clearly this was my "for such a time as this" moment. At about 5-7min. into the class, I made myself get up and go in.
Guess what? Through the GLASS wall the whole gym could see that 300-pound woman do 45 minutes of kickbox cardio without letting up! I surprised even myself.
As I considered the event (event, since surely it was groundbreaking), I realized that my fear had more to do with hiding than anything else. Yes, I have done a lot of things that I would not have done at home. Yes, I have put myself out there when no one else but me was making me. But, when I go to the kickboxing class, my sister in law is there. When I go to water aerobics, I can hide in the water (plus the other students are either sweet older ladies or overweight as well). Hiding, its what I have done best for too long. I will probably still try to hide and God will have to prod me into submission, but I think this was the start of a new mentality. No more hiding.

U-Turn Town

I've decided to dub Tucson as U-Turn Town. As you drive down the street, you almost always have to make a U-turn to get where you want to go. All the main roads have medians and unfortunately city planning dropped the ball when it comes to convenience of travel. I sometimes try to beat the system by winding through a shopping center or office plaza to try to find the sweet spot in the median, only to find that I have not only NOT found it, but now I have to make a longer u-turn. Aaargh!
As I was driving down the street making yet another u-turn, trying not to get frustrated, I decided that the title was appropriate not only for the town, but for my life. Tucson has become the place in which I make my u-turn. For so long the road has been in the wrong direction. My health and fitness had become like the never ending road divided by a median of bad choices and lazy habits. Well, I found my u-turn in U-Turn Town and I am not taking another.

I WAS RIGHT!

Yeah! I was right! 17 pounds of muscle in 4 weeks! Crazy!!!

Freedom!

I celebrated my freedom today with freedom! Don't panic, I didn't go crazy. I did however allow myself to have a tablespoon of three things not on my diet: coleslaw, baked beans (the REALLY good kind) and cheesy potato casserole. I also had a very small sliver of cheesecake. It was good, but not to die for. Surprise! Those of you who know me well know that cheesecake it the end all for me. I was glad I ate it because I think if I hadn't, it would have consumed me thinking about it.
I've decided to give the other eating plan a try. I want to glean as much as I can while I am here about food and exercise. I don't know if it would be a forever kind of eating plan, but I will give it a shot and see how it goes.
Hope you all have had a great 4th of July celebrating your freedom. How appropriate that it is on a day we celebrate our ultimate hero and freedom giver, Jesus!

"I was under the impression there would be no math..."

Almost at the four week mark. Cant believe its already been that long. Even though some of you don't want to know numbers, I am going to be totally transparent so SPOILER ALERT!!!!! I was measured yesterday and had my body fat checked. Over all, I have lost 8 inches. I have only lost 10 pounds as of this past Monday. When Matt checked my body fat, I lost 9%. This was the number that he was most excited about. He said that's a big amount to lose in a month. I guess it doesn't mean that much to me except forward progress. So, I go home and get out the calculator. 9% of my starting body weight is 27 pounds and some change. So does that mean I gained 17 pounds of muscle? Even though that sounds mathematically logical to me, I have a feeling it doesn't really work that way. I will have to have some discussion with Matt on Tuesday when I see him again.
By the way, the pic here is Matt, my trainer. I would say he's about 22 and is working on a nutrition degree from University of Arizona. Once finished, his goal is to go on to Physical Therapy school. He is a really neat guy who has been pulling out all the stops to help me reach my goals. He is sweet, but pushes and MAKES me do the hard stuff. He has been helping me with my food as well. Keeping me on task in terms of the right foods. He has proposed a different eating plan and I am considering it over this weekend. He said it will really begin to burn fat in a huge way. With only three weeks left, its tempting.
PS, you can hear part one of my interview on Family Life Radio's Intentional Living at http://www.theintentionallife.com/broadcast.asp The broadcast was on Wednesday, June 30. There will be a second part on July 22.